It's okay to admit a bad thing sucks.

I give myself permission not to forgive everything that happens.

My grandmother was a miserable woman, who’s final words upon her deathbed were intended to hurt my loving father as much as possible, who had dropped everything to drive across the country in her final hour of need. I refused to go to her funeral. People said I would regret that choice. Turns out they were right, I do regret, but not because I forgave her. Rather, I wish that I had been there to support my father when he stood at her grave.

Society pressures forgiveness for the sanctity of ‘positive’ relationships. People forget that when asking for forgiveness, they demand from the very ones wronged, seeking an absolution rather than healing.

While we wait to feel forgiveness and have others forgive, time ruthlessly marches on. The consequential inner distress risks haunting us endlessly until we find harmony within ourselves. Forgiveness is a good when it happens, but cannot be forced, nor always given, even when someone wants to or thinks that they should.

I prefer to promote compassion, understanding, and empathy. We do not need to feel ‘right’ about what others do, but we do need to learn how to live with others different than ourselves. It is grounding to surrender to the many things that beyond our understanding and control, including, sometimes, our own feelings.